Saturday, April 21, 2007 @ 7:50 PM

thoughts....

its been a quiet saturday as usual..
been too quiet...
i wanna move on...
but thoughts of you still remains in my mind....
i wanna get help...
get a listening ear...
get a shoulder to lean on...
but it seems i have been alone for a long time...
developing an independent spirit...
never looking out for help in things i deem as my own problems...
i wanna talk to someone...
i wanna lean on a shoulder and cry my heart out....
this has always been what you have been providing for me..
until you left....

been trying to open up to my new group of friends...
guess its still not workng...
since..
i suppose i must look like an idiot in front of them...
i am really in a dilemma now...
should i stay this way?
or should i change into an introvert...
only responding to things in which i see a need to...
what should i do?
i dont have pillars of strength to lean on....
i guess you are right Sakura...
i am alone...
alone in this world...
this world of black and white...

as i sat at the top of the rooftop for the last time....
i kept asking myself this question-
"Standing on the line between life and death, which side should i take?"
at that moment...
i really couldnt come up with a decision...
usually a breath of wind would just whisper an answer as my ear...
this time....
i guess i am on my own...

i guess this is my inmature way of facing my problems...
maybe i should just grow up abit...
only then i can face this problem properly...

going through all this...
i feel kinda stupid...
i feel that i am very useless...
always going putting myself into this depressing state...
emo-ing at every moment...
forcing this strong front whenever i face everyone...

will i ever get out of this state?
will i ever be as normal again?
will i ever meet you again, Sakura?
maybe...just maybe...

Leon/Shiri

Shiki